Coup de Trois

Everyone please lend your eyes to a guest blog written by my better half . . .

"It started with Mommy leaving to go to a baby shower with Aunt N. First M started screaming “Where mommy go, where mommy go?!” Then A cried “I want Mommy, I want Mommy!”
S looked around at the broken hearts and figured she'd better get in on the action, "Mommmmmmy!” Then she looked at the others to see if she should continue. She got the ok.

Of course the plan of action was to wave good bye to mommy, change some diapers and put the Salad to bed so I could take my weekend nap. Three little people had a different plan for me.

I sat on the steps thinking about what I should do. By this point, all three had thrown themselves to the ground, screaming and kicking. I decided my only chance to quell the uprising and to squeeze my nap in was to calm everyone down. I have heard my wife say she does this with bathes, so I figured that was the best course of action.

“Everyone upstairs, we are taking bathes!” They all stopped crying and walked up the steps. “I’m a genius” I thought. “Now take off your clothes and diapers!” They listened again. “This is a piece of cake!” Then the uprising started again.

“Potty, potty, me go potty?!” M yelled and of course the other 2 fell in line. Now there were three 2 year olds, naked and jumping up and down yelling “Potty! Potty! Potty!” I put 1 potty down and M sat on it. When I turned to grab another potty, M began jumping up and down with a potty full of pee screeching, “Chocolate, chocolate, two, two!” Referring to his 2 M&M rewards for using his potty.

By then, A had also sat down and used her potty. A started wiggling (because she can’t jump) around yelling, “Chocolate, me want chocolate,” as she spills her pee in an attempt to show me what was in the potty.

I quickly dumped the potties, shut the bathroom door so no one fell in the tub, ran downstairs to get their rewards, ran back up the stairs where all three blocked the top of the steps singing, “Chocolate Chocolate, two, two.” I pushed my way though the chorus line, opened the bathroom door, put the M&Ms down on the counter, and turned to shut off the water. When I turned back to get the Salad, I realized they had stolen the M&Ms and M was trying to wash the color off of his in the tub. Oh well, at least they were quiet. Another uprising stopped.

I put the Salad in the tub and decided the only way to stop more civil unrest was with a “Shock and Awe” display of soap, bubbles and rags. All three got water dumped on their heads, then the shampoo and a little scrubbing. They were looking around, trying to figure out what was going on. Washcloth to the back, front, arms, pits, bottom and feet, repeated twice. Finally they are laughing, but I am sweating.

Time to rinse, everyone closes their eyes and holds their breathe. S was the first one out, also the only one not to use her potty and she wanted revenge, “Me potty, me potty.” The bedlam starts again. A is out and screaming, “Mommy dry, Mommy dry.” I never thought a 28 pound toddler could battle for so long, but after a few moments and a creative way to use my legs, arms and 200 pounds, I finally won the drying battle. I turned my attention to the boy, the slipperiest of them all. I threw the towel on him, lifted him out the tub and dried him off before he could say anything. He looked at me, knowing he had been defeated. I nodded, thinking to myself “I win!” Resting on my laurels did not last long.

In my glory, I did not notice S standing with a potty full of pee which I knock into and spill on the floor. S started to cry, thinking she will not get her reward. She sobs, “Chocolate!” Then all three began chanting “Chocolate!” The balance of power was again shifting.

I made a battlefield decision, knowing they only get chocolate when they use their potties. I scream “Everyone gets chocolate….two pieces, one now and one after I put your diapers on," hoping it does not destroy months of my wife’s hard work, but at that moment, really not caring. The cheers erupt, I smile, they smile, and all was good.

Everyone got their chocolate, everyone got changed, and everyone got in their cribs without any problems. The ups and downs of the past 26 minutes (yes, 26 minutes) had made everyone tired. Everyone laid down for their nap, daddy included."